Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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