Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
