He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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