What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
