My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
