I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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