even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
