You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
