He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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