She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
