If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we're making bets on your personal life
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
