I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
