now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
