i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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