my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
