hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
