I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
