and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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