I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
