yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
