he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
