I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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