I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
