Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
