Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
