apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
