Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
