i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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