he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
