Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
