All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
