Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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