Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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