Non-Jews are for practice
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
