and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
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Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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