just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You are a genius and a whore.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
