Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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