what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
