can u get pink eye on your cock?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
