swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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