ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
