At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
