please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
