he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
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I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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