I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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