...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Sober January is a disaster.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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