Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
