Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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