Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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