hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
