call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
