i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
