Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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