I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
