I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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