Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
