ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
