She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
