Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
