Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
