I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
