And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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