I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
