He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
