I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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