i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
