3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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