dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
