I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
