I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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