Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
