I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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