i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
