i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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