Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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