The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.