Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
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they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice