you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.