Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
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You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You need a sexual gate keeper
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...