It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.