1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.