i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
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I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
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When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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