I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
